Taco Hell!

This morning I woke up in a GREAT mood. I am NOT a morning person so for me to actually walk into work smiling, happy-go-lucky was not in the norm. No one said anything, I think everyone was too busy to notice. But I noticed, and I was really liking it.

I have been hungry for pizza so I decided to use some of my flex points to fill my craving. I had a salad, three slices of pizza, and one and half pieces of the cinnamon dessert. When I was eating the dessert I was thinking THIS IS GOING TO COST (points wise), and surprisingly it was only 3 points. Not that I needed anymore of it.

I got home from work, then my day started going down hill. I got a letter from my mortgage company, and without getting in a lot of details, my house payment is going up for one month over $300, then the rest of the year an extra $75. UGH!!

Then on the way to Zumba, I was talking to my mom and she basically gave me a guilt trip for going to Zumba afraid that I was not going to make it to pick up my daughter on time from church. I don't even think my mom knows what she did. My mom really wants to see me lose weight, I think she was just concerned about my daughter. Let's face it, my daughter is 16, having to hang around the church an extra 30 minutes with her friends would probably be a GOOD thing for her. So the way I look at it, it's a win win. But my head was full of negative thoughts and I still don't think I have totally recovered from that conversation.

When I started this blog, I mentioned that I am doing it because I not only want to lose the weight, I need to find out WHY I have trouble staying motivated or even got FAT in the first place. Maybe by putting everything out there, I will be able to face my issues by first realizing what the heck they are. LOL.

Zumba was a good workout! I have decided to put together an audition tape for The Biggest Loser, so I took the video camera with me to Zumba. I plan on taking it with me bowling tomorrow night as well. I figure I will just shoot my day to day activities. I wonder if they want to see people trying or just people sitting on the couch doing nothing? If you know for sure, please share.

On the way to pick up my daughter after Zumba, I was noticing that I was not feeling that hungry, so I decided that when I got home I was just going to have a turkey sandwich. Well my daughter got in the car and was "starving", so we drove thru Taco Bell to get HER something. Well at the last minute I meant to order me a "tostado", you know the flat thing with beans, lettuce, and cheese. But instead I said Chalupa and I went ahead and got me a taco. Tacos are not that many weight watchers points, but I was highly upset about the Chalupa mess-up. Well, I had a weak moment and I ate it ALL. The meal that I was not even hungry for ended up costing me 14 points. I earned 11 points doing Zumba tonight. What the Heck!!! I am so sick to my stomach! I don't know if it because of the food, or just being mad at myself for eating it!!! I am trying to fight off negative thoughts and just forgive myself and tomorrow's a NEW day!!! I have flex points that I can use! I don't need to be so hard on myself. We learn best my making mistakes!! I have been doing so good not to eat Fast Food, and I will do better the rest of the week!!!!

You know I really wish The Biggest Loser would "TAKE ME AWAY". It's hard trying to lose weight in the real world with all the day to day activities and not so positive people in your world. Is it selfish of me to want to be healthier? Is it selfish of me to want to be around to see my daughters marry, have children, and get to be a Grandmother? I think it is not!

I apologize for the gloomy post, just being "real". Tune in tomorrow for a more positive post. : )